I’m Sir Dono, your cultural storyteller from Uzbekistan! Landlocked twice, but my heart still swims the Silk Road. First stop:  a refill.

Uzbekistan is doubly landlocked: every country touching it is landlocked too. To reach the open ocean overland, you must cross at least two national borders. Excellent geography. Terrible beach access.

The Silk Roads were a network of routes, not one road. Samarkand and Bukhara linked travelers carrying goods, ideas, beliefs—and stories. My essential cargo is less glamorous. Water.

A fish in a doubly landlocked country becoming a culture guide? I hear the irony. In my story, my ancestors listened along the river while travelers brought the wider world close. I’m an imagined survivor of the Syr Darya sturgeon, a real species feared possibly extinct. I carry the stories forward.

Here is real evidence of international connections: the seventh-century Afrasiab murals at Samarkand. The famous ambassadors scene depicts visitors from different countries lands, although details of its interpretation are debated. Evidence for exchange—not evidence that my great-grandmother posed here.

Now my friends will introduce one tradition from each of 25 countries. Some are festivals, some are performance arts, and some are legends. None represents an entire country. Local knowledge leads. I’ll bring questions—and emergency hydration.

Dr Mochi, show us Namahage! On Akita’s Oga Peninsula, Namahage visitors call at homes around New Year, urging diligence and good behavior. Dr Mochi, they’re checking our behavior—not our blood pressure.

Zhuzhu, show us  Nuo opera! Nuo traditions use masked ritual performance to dispel harmful influences and seek blessings; forms vary by region. Zhuzhu has mastered the stance. I’m still protecting the tea.

Jaksy, show us Talchum! Talchum combines masks, dance, music, and theater —and often makes fun of social rank. Jaksy, finally: a performance where giving the aristocrat side-eye is part of the point.

Nongnuch, show us Boun Bang Fai! At Boun Bang Fai, festival rockets are launched as part of traditions welcoming rain for the rice-growing season. Nongnuch, I requested rain—not express delivery to the clouds!

Memezen, show us Kolam mask theatre! Sri Lankan kolam theatre uses carved masks, music, and comic characters to tell stories and satirize everyday life. Memezen, your selfie has accidentally joined the cast.

Enkilu, show us Hıdırellez! Hıdırellez welcomes spring and is associated with Hızır and İlyas; customs can include wishes and jumping over small fires. Enkilu, I’m celebrating spring from a well-hydrated distance.

One more stop at home! Back home, Boysun Bahori celebrates the Boysun region’s living traditions with music, dance, crafts, and performances. I’ve mastered the ground-level version. My tea still needs a safety net.

Mzee Fundi, show us Mwaka Kogwa! In Makunduchi, Zanzibar, Mwaka Kogwa welcomes a fresh year with traditions including symbolic contests using banana stems. Mzee Fundi, I brought a banana. Apparently I misunderstood the equipment list.

Rollercoaster, show us Lamu Cultural Festival donkey races! At the Lamu Cultural Festival, donkey races join celebrations of the island’s Swahili heritage. Rollercoaster gets the aerial view. I get the splash zone of my own drink.

Honey, show us Kaapse Klopse! Cape Town’s Kaapse Klopse brings brightly dressed troupes, bands, and singing into the streets around New Year. Honey, your enthusiasm is in rhythm. Your feet are negotiating.

Otrovertyr, show us Ice canoe racing! On Québec’s St. Lawrence River, ice-canoe crews switch between paddling through water and pushing across ice. Otrovertyr, they’ve invented a boat race with a walking section. My drink has chosen the ice section.

Buzzerbeater, show us Frozen Dead Guy Days! Colorado’s Frozen Dead Guy Days turns an unusual local story into a festival with costumes and coffin races. Buzzer Beater, that is an exceptionally committed fast break.

Pinchelio, show us Danza de los Viejitos! Michoacán’s Danza de los Viejitos turns apparently frail steps into vigorous, rhythmic dancing. Pinchelio, I prepared for a gentle shuffle. I should have prepared for cardio.

Almessi, show us Fiesta Nacional de la Nieve! Bariloche’s National Snow Festival celebrates its Andean winter setting, with festivities that can include torchlit skiing. Almessi, your ball has decided to hibernate.

Fullstakcarrot, show us Fastelavn! At Fastelavn, costumed children take turns hitting a candy-filled barrel. Today’s cat is usually just a decoration. Fullstakcarrot, I came for folklore. The falling candy is a compelling bonus.

Conte, show us Processional giants of Northern France! In northern France, community giants carried through town embody local characters, stories, and history. Conte, you may need a taller sketchbook. And I may need a neck extension.

Eunomos, show us Rouketopolemos! In Vrontados on Chios, Rouketopolemos is an Easter rocket exchange between two rival parishes—a spectacular but hazardous custom. Eunomos, I’ll appreciate this one from very far away.

Alistair, show us Up Helly Aa! Shetland’s Up Helly Aa is a modern community fire festival, famous for torches and the burning of a Viking-style galley. Alistair, I packed for a Scottish evening. The ship brought its own heating.

Rabbit Hole, show us Orchard wassailing! Orchard wassailing blesses apple trees with songs and customs that may include cider and toast, hoping for a good harvest. Rabbit Hole, the toast is for the tree. This is not the breakfast buffet.

Betty Alpha, show us Bavarian Krampus run! In parts of Bavaria, winter Krampus runs feature carved masks, shaggy costumes, and ringing bells. Betty Alpha, I’m not frightened. I’m simply protecting my emotional-support beverage.

Grand Relative, show us Lajkonik! Kraków’s Lajkonik procession features a costumed rider with a hobby horse, music, and a city legend. Grand Relative, I have just discovered this horse does not require snacks.

Sofia Luz, show us Las Fallas! At Valencia’s Fallas, enormous satirical monuments fill the streets before most are burned during the climactic cremà. Sofia Luz, I brought water. I have dramatically misunderstood the scale.

Anagam, show us Malanka! Malanka masquerades in Ukrainian communities can combine music, elaborate costumes, comic encounters, and a goat character. Anagam, I think the goat has stronger stage presence than both of us.

Antlet, show us Bunyip stories! Bunyip stories are associated with waterways in some Aboriginal traditions; names and accounts differ between communities. Antlet, I’m a freshwater fish—but I’m not volunteering to investigate that ripple.

Lima, show us Taniwha stories! In Māori traditions, taniwha are connected with particular places and communities; some are guardians, while others can be dangerous. Lima, I’ll respect the local story—and ask before entering anybody’s swimming pool.

Twenty-five countries, twenty-five glimpses—not the whole atlas. Listen to the people who keep these traditions alive. Their stories are bigger than any postcard. I’m Sir Dono. Landlocked twice, still curious—and finally refilled.